Game of Thrones Brazenly Endorses Howard Schultz in Latest Episode, Is Canceled


There was a Game of Thrones episode last night. Some say it was the best of the season. Others do not. I, for one, couldn’t tell you, because I—a responsible American—turned off the episode the moment the showrunners openly endorsed former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz for president. (Spoilers below!)

A lot happened on “The Last of the Starks.” Jamie and Brienne drunkenly get it on. Arya curbs Gendry. A dragon is shot through the dang neck. CleganeBowl is teased yet again. An entire fucking army makes the months-long trip to Kings Landing in all of five minutes. And Grey Worm has his Narth vacation dreams dashed. RIP Missandei. (Hope you watched the episode!)

But before all of that, there was a brief but irrefutable political statement made on behalf of David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, and for that, HBO should shutter its doors and Benioff and Weiss should be blackballed from the entertainment industry, or at least be banned from even thinking about doing a show about the rebellious South.

That statement appears in the middle of a scene in which a very drunken (and soon-to-be heartbroken) Tormund is essentially declaring Jon/Aegon war hero and the One True King, despite the fact that he is an objectively terrible war general and absolute Glory Boy who has now twice screamed “1v1 me, bro!” at multiple enemies only to get his ass kicked.

As Jon soaks in the praise, Dany—who dragged her armies and her three dragons north just to help this dipshit out, only to have his little sister poke the scary blue popsicle and fix everything single-handedly, much like his other little sister did at the Battle of the Bastards—realizes her chances to be queen of the Seven Kingdoms might be fucked, all because this guy is a guy.

While that might serve as a tidy little metaphor for the current Democratic primary, the showrunners used it as a facade to blanket their true endorsement for the 2020 election. That endorsement came in the form of a nondescript coffee cup, which undoubtedly means Weiss and Benioff are repping none other than Dumb Starbucks Man, and definitely not that someone accidentally forgot to trash their cup before the scene was filmed.

True friends of Democracy and Good Coffee will stand with me in the coming two weeks in skipping the final GOT episodes. All that don’t are an Enemy of the State, and that’s canon now.

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