Ivanka: I Got It (a Non-Existent Moral Compass) From My Daddy


President Donald Trump is not what most people would consider to be a good father. Still, Trump has benevolently seen fit to bequeath each of his offspring with a gift in the hopes that someday they will treat him marginally better than he treated his own dad.

To Don Jr, his eldest, Trump imparted on him the Trump family’s iconic posture.

To Eric, his palest, Trump has granted him his impeccable gift of gab.

To Tiffany, the other one, Trump has graciously allowed her to publicly keep using her last name.

To Barron, his youngest, Trump has acknowledged his existence.

And speaking before a crowd of high rollers last month in the hopes that they’ll fork over some cash on her father’s behalf, favorite child Ivanka Trump reportedly disclosed what she believes is the strongest personality trait she inherited from dear sweet papa: his moral compass.

Like dividing by zero or traveling back in time to kill yourself (perhaps to spare yourself from the horrible future we now occupy), this presents a clear paradox: How, exactly, can someone inherit a trait that is so transparently non-existent in either of them in the first place?

Ivanka could have named something a little more believable—her dad’s legendary business acumen, for example—but to zero in on the one thing he so obviously does not posses is such a ballsy thing to do, it’s clear why Donald favors Ivanka over the rest of his hellspawn. Ivanka most resembles her father when it comes their shared ability to spew whatever gilded bullshit that single, specific moment requires, and then moving on without a single moment of self reflection or shame.

Make no mistake, of all the scions of a potential Trump “dynasty” we should be worried about, it’s Ivanka who seems to present the clearest danger. She’s smarter than her brothers (not hard), less offensively bulbous than her father (also not hard), but still as morally bankrupt as the entire stinking clan put together.

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