National Security Reportedly at Risk Because Trump Is Too Lazy to Ditch His Goddamn Phone

Our dumb president Donald Trump’s impulsive use of his personal cellphone has always been a problem. This is partially because it symbolizes the total lack of control that Trump’s handlers have over him, but also because of, y’know, the enormous security risk it poses to America.

According to Politico, Trump uses two different phones that serve different purposes (one is only for calls and one is one is literally just for tweets). So far so whatever. But the issue is that he has apparently gone five months without turning in his Twitter-enabled device to make sure it hasn’t been compromised or hacked—which, to be clear, would be bad. Politico was unsure how often the device he uses for calls, which the site likened to burners, is rotated out, but reports that it lacks “sophisticated security features designed to shield his communications.”

A senior staffer insisted to Politico that the phones Trump uses to call people are “seamlessly swapped out on a regular basis” (though they’re not) and that Trump’s tweeting phone doesn’t need to be swapped out “because of the security controls of the Twitter phone and the Twitter account.” Yes, you read that right: the U.S. government is relying for its national security on Twitter’s security system being cool. Gee whiz I sure hope Trump changed his password after that brief scare earlier this month when it turned out that Twitter’s system had been super-compromised!

To compare, unlike Trump, former President Barack Obama did not use a phone with a camera or microphone and routinely submitted his phone to be checked for security breaches and whatnot every 30 days. But Trump is sooo not into that:

While aides have urged the president to swap out the Twitter phone on a monthly basis, Trump has resisted their entreaties, telling them it was “too inconvenient,” the same administration official said.

Yes, “too inconvenient” to get off the phone with the folks at Fox & Friends for maybe a couple hours? “Too inconvenient” despite a huge part of the Trump campaign relying on criticizing Hillary Clinton for using a private email server which was vulnerable to hacking? “Too inconvenient” despite the massive leaks that plague his White House? “Too inconvenient” despite chief of staff John Kelly’s own phone being compromised???!?!

It feels good to know that America’s downfall won’t come by means that are too fancy, but probably just because someone hacked our idiot president’s Twitter phone.