Rudy Giuliani Is Single and Ready 2 Mingle Ladies!!!!!!

Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York City and beached whale carcass that’s about to explode any second now due to a buildup of gases released during decomposition, is about to be single and ready to mingle!!

The news of his impending divorce from Judith, his wife of 15 years, only broke last week, but apparently women are just lining up for their shot at love. Okay ladies!!!

According to New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams, women are throwing themselves at the mere thought of Rudy Giuliani, a man who doesn’t know how to insert AirPods in his ears. Adams writes:

The about-to-be-consciously uncoupled Rudy Giuliani is coming off to Upper East Side sex kittens like catnip. They’re purring at him. Sidling — if not actually front-ling — in his direction.

Oh. Oh my. (Side note: What’s with the heavy-handed feline analogies?)

There don’t appear to be specific instances of this happening, but Adams says the ladies are definitely talking—err, meowing?

Pussycats in their 40s — so OK, so like maybe really late 40s — are setting saucers of milk. One meowed she’s “always loved Rudy.” And, “No matter what, he’s still Rudy” — whatever that means.

I’m starting to get concerned about all these Upper East Side women who have apparently turned into cats. Perhaps the CDC should get involved because this is getting out of control.

She’d best trim her claws because now his love is golf, wine, cigars, steak and conversation. So, like the rest of her animal kingdom, she’ll temporarily just have to scurry under the bed.

I don’t get this part of the analogy!! Forget the CDC, someone please call the ASPCA and help these feral cat women—partly because they’ve apparently become felines but mostly because they’re attracted to Rudy Giuliani!!