Ted Cruz's Attempt at a Simpsons Joke Turns Into a Spectacular Self-Own

We’re only on Day 2 of CPAC, Coachella for GOP orcs, and my god is it embarrassing. In an attempt to presumably connect with everyday Americans, Ted Cruz made what those of us in the industry call a “pop” “culture” “reference” to The Simpsons, a show that hasn’t been good for 20 years. Naturally, it was dumb and bad and a spectacular self-own.

It’s utterly flabbergasting but nothing if not on the nose. After all, in one of the episodes, Future Lisa becomes president after the disastrous tenure of Donald Trump, so maybe this is a pointed prediction from Cruz?

As for Homer and Bart: Homer Simpson is an abusive alcoholic who commits welfare fraud and is perhaps America’s best-known idiot. Bart is buddies with Satan. And they both have the “Simpson gene,” a genetic condition that makes all men in their family dumb and lazy and foolish and also bald.

Maggie is a murderous baby, so there’s that. As for Marge, she famously voted for Jimmy Carter—twice!—so Cruz is just lying when he claims her.

On the one hand I’m not looking forward to the “Nevertheless she persisted” Lisa Simpson iconography and merch that will inevitably clog my various social media feeds after this, but on the other, why the fuck would anyone think it was a good and politically sound comparison to make?

If for some reason thinking too much about Cruz’s Simpsons reference doesn’t bring you enough pain, then please help yourself to this BuzzFeed video of Cruz attempting to do “impressions” of the Simpsons. How he has not disintegrated into a fine mist out of sheer embarrassment over his existence is truly a testament to his resilience.