The definitive guide to using a stack of cash as a phone
Warning: after reading this post you will feel severely wealthless.
Money is important to everyone, but especially to rappers. They rhyme about it, they spend it, and—most notably—they find ways to use it creatively in their everyday lives: Re-decorating, swimming, making it rain, cooling off, balancing, cleaning, bathing, strengthening senses, etc.
For rappers, their like-minded affiliates, and unfortunately thirsty people who want to be cool, conspicuously physically cherishing cash is a way of telegraphing that you’ve finally made enough to say “fuck up some commas” and mean it. And over the past few years, rappers have been saving on their data plans by using money phones.
The hilarious visual—using a stack of cash as a phone—has become popular on Instagram, Vine, and in music videos. Money phone MVPs include Soulja Boy and Floyd Mayweather (who isn’t a rapper but is the founder of The Money Team), with honorable mentions going to French Montana, 50 Cent, and Chief Keef. I asked some of my knowledgable peers where they thought the concept and term came from. Lots of them pointed to Detroit, which is probably true (I’m from Detroit)—plus there’s this song by Detroit rapper Icewear Vezzo. Case closed.
But let’s get to the IMPORTANT part: How can you, too, use a money phone? Here’s a guide:
Why should I use a money phone?
I know, I know. You haven’t seen multi-millionaire rappers like Kanye, Jay Z or Diddy doing this—how has Diddy NOT been seen doing this? He’s lavish, he’s friends with French Montana, he wears fur and he’s hilarious—but that doesn’t mean it’s not cool. Money phones seem to be a popular with rappers who are showy and over-the-top, don’t take themselves to seriously, have cellphones (Kanye doesn’t), frequently use the internet, and, in some cases, probably don’t actually make that much money. In other words, rappers you can still relate to. If that’s not convincing enough, watch Young Thug‘s “Check“; he makes a very strong case.How do I use a money phone?
Do use crisp cash.
Do make sure your stack isn’t too sloppy, or too thin.
Don’t be afraid to show affection—you earned this.