The pervert's guide to emoji


It’s getting late and the DM is heating up, but you’re way too lazy to try and pose for a sexy selfie. Instead you turn to your secret arsenal of suggestive symbols: the emoji library.

You can’t just start off with a , though. It’s too strong and way overused. Your fingers are hovering over the cartoon characters but you don’t know what to send. Your juices might be flowing, but the creative ones sure aren’t. What should you send?

The best emoji sex is locked away in private text messages so it can be difficult to broaden your sextual vocabulary. Lucky for you we have every emoji you were too shy to ask about, right here, in this pervert’s guide to emoji. Heed this advice for a     time.

Chapter 1: Warm-up

Like any athletic activity, you’ll want to warm up before you start sprinting towards the finish line. Emoji can be a good way to slyly direct a conversation toward sexy times with a light-hearted suggestion you may have otherwise been too shy to type out.

First, we’ll start with some romance:

If they don’t get the hint, perhaps move on to the low-risk vernacular for casual intercourse:

And if what they are typing is a real turn-on, you may want to encourage them with a status update on the state of your pants:

Chapter 2: Things you can do with your hands

Remember the world of emoji is all about symbolism and metaphor. The most sophisticated use of the characters relies on your imagination to fill in the gaps. This means that fruits and flowers are wonderful stand ins for lady bits:

You can use emoji to suggest what you’re currently up to, or a desire you might feel shy to request verbally:

If things keep heating up, you may want to get out the lube:

Chapter 3: Things you can do with your mouth

One of my favorite parts of emoji sexting is that the cartoonish forms of emoji are not necessarily dirty by nature. The really pervy part happens in your head. Emoji rely on context for meaning. Now that we have your mind in the gutter, some of these seemingly innocent symbols may take on new connotations:

Sometimes emoji can be educational, guiding your lover towards a specific action:

Maybe you already know exactly what your lover likes, and being specific about what is on the menu is going to be a real turn on:

Chapter 4: Things that go inside other things⛳️

The most wonderful thing about emoji is that often times you are limited only by your imagination. Think outside the  , as it were. You have a variety of food items at your disposal beyond the eggplant:

But remember there are also plenty of useful objects beyond the edible emoji that could come in handy:

Chapter 5: Finish line

If the entirety of your sexual exchange will be occurring over iMessage, you have an excellent opportunity to really flex your creative emoji muscle on the final climax. There are many characters that can help paint the picture of your pleasure. A rocket ship  with plenty of sparkles, some fireworks  , or even the volcano  might be useful in letting your partner know you’re done.

And if you’re someone who still thinks emoji are just too silly for something as serious as sex, I encourage you to test the waters. After all, laughter is a potent aphrodisiac.

Cara Rose DeFabio is a pop addicted, emoji fluent, transmedia artist, focusing on live events as an experience designer for Real Future.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin