Dear Dodai: I Want My Biracial Offspring’s Name to Buck the Patriarchy
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Hello and welcome back to Dear Dodai, in which I answer questions about navigating problematic situations, in an attempt to assist the needy and school fools. Let’s jump right into it, shall we?
A reader emailed the following:
Dear Dodai,
My partner and I are having our first child and trying to figure out a last name that challenges the patriarchy and would also somehow reflect the child’s multiracial heritage. The father is Caucasian and the mother, that’s me, is Chinese. But we aren’t too keen on hyphenation, and think coming up with a whole new last name portmanteau is silly. We also want to avoid anything too clunky, like multiple names or last names. Plus, it’s only inevitable that the penultimate name would often get dropped, right? We’re not married, so still each have our own family names. My partner feels strongly about passing on his last name and thinks his heritage/history/family tie is important and wonders how people will recognize us as a family unit if we all have different last names. I feel more strongly about bucking the patriarchy, but would also like my child’s last name to reflect my heritage in some way. What’s a good, fair, and creative but not obnoxious solution?
Reader, I’ll be honest. This is a tough one. I am all for bucking the patriarchy and having a name that telegraphs heritage. But there’s no easy answer here.