I Never Want to Hear Another Goddamn Word About Cuomo and de Blasio Being 'Progressives'
Last night, the news broke that—despite months of pretending this wasn’t a forgone conclusion and that the next HQ really could be in Nowhere, USA if the local bureaucrats would just conscript every resident into working in a warehouse—Amazon is expanding to both Long Island City in Queens and Arlington, VA.
This was cause for an effusive gesture of armistice between two avowed political rivals: New York Gov. Andrew “Amazon” Cuomo, who just won another term, and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio. The two men held a joint press conference this afternoon to jerk each other off about the historic “economic impact” that Amazon laying down roots will have in their overlapping jurisdictions.
I won’t even bother rehashing the dozens of figures both politicians rattled off as self-evident reasons why this is supposedly going to be a great thing, like the “direct and indirect” jobs and “green space” that will be created. All of them are ways to quantify the positive “impacts” to be foisted upon us if we, the taxpayers, will just overlook investing nearly $50,000 into each Amazon job created, among myriad other incentives.