The Only People Who Want Michael Bennet for President Don't Know Who He Is

This blog is for my main dude Michael Bennet. Michael, we have a good news/bad news situation here.

The good news is that, according to CNN, a new poll would get Bennet over the polling level required for the Democratic debate at the end of June. He got one whole percent of the vote in that poll, which is the minimum required to qualify, and previously polled one percent in two other polls.

The bad news is that none of the people who picked him knew who he was. According to that same CNN post, among “the 44% of potential Democratic primary voters who had said they had heard of Bennet, 0% said he was their first choice in the primary.” But enough of the rest of the voters who didn’t know who he is picked him, bizarrely, that he registered one percent overall.

To be clear, because this is insane: No one who had heard of Michael Bennet thought he should be president. But somehow, enough of the people who had never heard of him thought yeah, that sounds like a good President Name, I’ll go for him.

I have a few theories about this. The first is that polls are often pretty wacky when you drill down to this level; one percent of the 412 Democrats or Democratic-leaning independents who are registered to vote in this poll is four people. You can absolutely end up with four people saying something totally incoherent that makes no sense—just look at the president’s dang children!!!!!

The second is that the sheer number of candidates in the race means that the task of polling the race is difficult. The way the poll works is that the pollster reads a list of all the names of candidates, in random order, and then asks people which one they want to vote for. “Michael Bennet” is a very common name; it might be that four people haven’t paid a lot of attention to the race, don’t really like any of the major candidates, and could only remember Michael Bennet of that dumbass long list.

The third is that those four people were themselves named Michael Bennet, and thus naturally picked him.

Either way, congratulations to Michael Bennet. I still don’t know why you are running for president and your healthcare politics are appalling, but I’m happy for you, man. Take those small victories where you can.