Trump's New Anti-Drug Policy Ideas Are Not Ragingly Stupid and Will Definitely Work


President Jabba the Hutt Donald Trump has made a number of terrible suggestions on how to end the debilitating opioid crisis, including giving drug dealers the death penalty and just teaching children not to do drugs. Today, he went to New Hampshire, where he added some more big ideas to his list. Among them: “make anti-drug commercials” and “maybe try not making drugs addictive!” So easy! How come nobody thought of this before?

Let’s let Trump explain it:

That includes increasing federal funding for the development for non-addictive painkillers and we have to come up with a solution where we come up with a painkiller that’s not so addictive, and we can do it. We’re not that far off, we can do it. These things are incredibly addictive

Before you think, “Wow, how did no one think of painkillers that aren’t addicting, thank goodness we have such a smartypants as president,” less addictive painkillers do exist but are less likely to be covered by insurance companies. Hmm.

Trump also brought a fresh new approach to preventative measures: commercials.

Spending a lot of money on great commercials showing how bad it is, so that kids seeing those commercials during the right shows on television or wherever, the internet, when they see these commercials they say, “I don’t want any part of it.”
It’s the least expensive thing we can do, where you scare them from ending up like the people in the commercials. And we’ll make them very very bad commercials, we’ll make them pretty unsavory situations, and you’ve seen it before, and it’s had an impact on smoking and cigarettes. You see what happens to the body and you see what happens to the mind.

You know what happens to your mind on drugs, kids? THIS:

Are you scared out of opioid addiction yet? Well how about THIS:

(Also, the notion that anti-drug ads work is far from certain.)

Just in case you doubted that Trump’s opioid crisis wasn’t just a bigoted War on Drugs reenactment, he also took the opportunity to tie the epidemic to his own xenophobia and racism, claiming that building the border wall would “keep the damn drugs out.” Just another manic Monday!

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