Who All the 2020 Democrats Are as Fast and the Furious Characters


Well, here you go folks. The political analysis many people have been clamoring for is here: It’s time to definitively say which Fast and the Furious franchise character each of the 2020 presidential candidates are. That’s right, race fans—we’re taking one of the least political and most entertaining series of the past two decades and shoehorning in as much contemporary politics as we possibly can.
Are you ready? All right. Buckle up.
Beto O’Rourke: Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson)
Like Beto O’Rourke, Roman Pierce is a fast-talking, charismatic guy who somehow finds himself running with a field of much more qualified friends. Roman is a great driver and performs admirably in 2 Fast 2 Furious (aka the 2018 Texas Senate race) but he’s often the first one to shy away from daring plans or risks (see: being afraid to jump out of the plane in Furious 7/announcing any sort of comprehensive policy goals). He doesn’t really bring anything particularly special to the table, but welp, there he is!
Elizabeth Warren: Tej Parker (Ludacris)
That’s right, baby. Elizabeth Warren is Tej Parker. Think about it: one of the smartest members of the crew, the mastermind behind many of the technical aspects of the crew’s daring plans, yet consistently overlooked by the attention-grabbing frontrunners like Dom Toretto and Brian O’Connor. Tej is an all-round good dude, cool under pressure, and way more likable than many of his prickly peers in the crew. Dom and Brian may get the headlines, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty details, Tej is always the one who has a plan.
Joe Biden: Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker [R.I.P.])
Joe Biden has gotta be Brian. One of the longest-standing figures in the crew, O’Connor’s unlikely partnership with an immensely popular community hero makes him an immediate leader of all future schemes and heists (or elections). (Dom is Obama in this metaphor but not for the larger purposes of this piece, which I am going to retcon to fit the greater plot of this blog. If Tokyo Drift is allowed to do it, so am I.) Brian is largely the centrist of the Fast family, struggling to temper Dom’s brash plans with whatever the cop/ authority figures want him to do. And while he’s been absent from some installments of the franchise (the 2016 election), it’s always a good bet that we’ll see him again.
Bernie Sanders: Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel)
Bernie always had to be Dom. The emotional heart of the crew, the one whom allies and enemies alike set their sights on whenever there’s a crisis. Dominic is the one whose ideals brought the family together; he’s not always the easiest to get along with and can be fiercely singleminded at times, but without him the crew wouldn’t exist as we know it.
Kamala Harris: Luke Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson)
Hobbs is, for lack of a better word, just a big ol’ cop. While he can be convinced to work outside the lines of the law—as Harris has been convinced to move further left—at his heart Hobbs is always going to side with the authorities. That said, when faced with a truly despicable outlaw like Deckard Shaw (or Brett Kavanaugh), Hobbs breaks out the big guns, which in his case are actually big guns (and his arms). In Harris’s case, it’s her background as a hard-nosed prosecutor, which often leads to some good moments of committee-chamber destruction.
Tulsi Gabbard: Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham)
Like Deckard Shaw, Tulsi Gabbard is a vindictive former soldier who has no qualms about cozying up to far greater evils to achieve her goals. She happily exists in a grey area of morality. Deckard Shaw, an antihero if I’ve ever seen one, is being groomed as a protagonist in the spinoff film Hobbs & Shaw, and has worked alongside the crew many times, despite the fact that he killed Han. Fast fans who accept Shaw as a sympathetic figure are the same as progressives who accept Gabbard despite her her affinity for dictators and drone strikes, former extreme anti-gay positions, and links to a cult. She may get to roll with the crew, but she shouldn’t be trusted. That being said, I am extremely amped to see Hobbs & Shaw, but I really hope it ends with Shaw locked firmly back in prison.
Cory Booker: Sean Boswell (Lucas Black)
The protagonist of Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Sean Boswell initially seemed like he’d be an integral part of the family, but then the various directors, casting agents, and producers running the series determined correctly that he was a mostly bland character who wasn’t really necessary in any way.