A Suggestion for Senators Condemning the Healthcare Bill but Still Voting for It

Are you there, Sen. Lindsey Graham? It’s me, Rafi.

Look, I know you’re pretty busy today, what with desperately flailing about trying to dramatically screw over poor people and all, but we need to talk.

Senate Republicans—you, and your largely old, largely white pals—keep babbling about the so-called “skinny repeal” of the Affordable Care Act. It’s a process by which certain crucial parts of the ACA would be pulled back without repealing the entire law, thereby throwing the insurance markets into total chaos and also probably killing a lot of sick people.

Fifteen million people would end up without healthcare coverage, but at least you get to puff up your chest and everyone that you drove a knife into the heart of Obamacare, just like you said you would! Isn’t that great?

The thing is, Lindsey, you don’t really like the skinny repeal. Like, at all. Just today you called it a “political cop-out” and a “disaster.”

But then you also said that you would vote for it:

(As you surely know, Lindsey, “conference” is a joint House and Senate group that will supposedly work together to magically transform this “disaster” into something better.)

Well, Lindz, I’ve got some advice. How about instead of being a hypocritical monster, you (now hear me out, here) DON’T vote for it

Whoa.

I know it sounds crazy, believe me. But, you yourself said that, as an actual law, the skinny repeal would be “disaster.” And buddy, your vote brings that disaster one step closer to life.

Now, sure, you’re asking Paul Ryan to absolutely, super-duper, cross his heart and hope to die promise that if the Senate does pass this bill, he’ll make sure it actually gets to conference for some fine-tuning. Because, yup, it’s true the mischievous gremlins over in the U.S. House of Representatives could just go ahead and pass the damn thing as it is, and boy wouldn’t that be embarrassing for everyone! So, hey, save yourself the hassle. Don’t vote for something you’ve said you hate in the first place—Simple!

Look, I bet you wish you could take back whatever shortsighted monkey paw wish you made that brought you to this point. I get it. You’re a victim of your own success! But that doesn’t mean you’ve gotta ride this idiotic train all the way off the track.

Update, 5:55 PM: These fucking people!!!!