Patron Saints of Bizarre Things Who Deserve Their Own Holidays
It’s St. Patrick’s Day, a holiday celebrated with much revelry and people passing out in puddles of various sorts. This day is, ostensibly, a celebration and commemorance of St. Patrick, now the patron saint of Ireland (although he wasn’t born there) for having converted many in the country to Christianity. hile St. Patrick is inextricably linked to Ireland’s history and Irish identity — including that of Irish-Americans who happen to dig parades — there are plenty of other Catholic saints who would make for fun, utterly secular holiday celebrations. Prepare ye your novelty t-shirts.
St. Drogo’s Day
Drogo’s story is a sad one, as is the case with most saints, we suppose: Orphaned and wrought with guilt over his mother’s death, Drogo became a pilgrim. Over time, he developed an affliction that ravaged his body, leaving him deformed and leading the townspeople to build a small cell for him so that he could pray and receive Eucharist through a tiny window without having to offend their delicate sensibilities. But dude was gorgeous on the inside, and so we remember him to this day while “townspeople” is synonymous with “moderate to large group of fear-mongering jackasses.”
So celebrate the patron saint of the unattractive by recognizing that everyone is unattractive to someone, if not to a large contingent of humanity. Celebrate it! Revel in it! Wear your most heinous pair of sweatpants or overalls, eat BBQ-slathered ribs in public (or whatever your chosen vegetarian equivalent may be; I don’t know your life) and enjoy the freedom that comes with knowing that it’s all relative anyway. For every person who thinks you’re too thin or too thick or too tall or too short, there is someone who finds your look any combination of cute, sexy, beautiful, covetable, and adorable. So relax a little. And work on committing random acts of beauty for others.
Bonus: He’s also the patron saint of coffee shop owners, so treat yourself to some fancy latteccino today and leave your server a nice tip.
St. Clare of Assisi’s Day