Patron Saints of Bizarre Things Who Deserve Their Own Holidays


It’s St. Patrick’s Day, a holiday celebrated with much revelry and people passing out in puddles of various sorts. This day is, ostensibly, a celebration and commemorance of St. Patrick, now the patron saint of Ireland (although he wasn’t born there) for having converted many in the country to Christianity. hile St. Patrick is inextricably linked to Ireland’s history and Irish identity — including that of Irish-Americans who happen to dig parades — there are plenty of other Catholic saints who would make for fun, utterly secular holiday celebrations. Prepare ye your novelty t-shirts.

St. Drogo’s Day

Drogo’s story is a sad one, as is the case with most saints, we suppose: Orphaned and wrought with guilt over his mother’s death, Drogo became a pilgrim. Over time, he developed an affliction that ravaged his body, leaving him deformed and leading the townspeople to build a small cell for him so that he could pray and receive Eucharist through a tiny window without having to offend their delicate sensibilities. But dude was gorgeous on the inside, and so we remember him to this day while “townspeople” is synonymous with “moderate to large group of fear-mongering jackasses.”

So celebrate the patron saint of the unattractive by recognizing that everyone is unattractive to someone, if not to a large contingent of humanity. Celebrate it! Revel in it! Wear your most heinous pair of sweatpants or overalls, eat BBQ-slathered ribs in public (or whatever your chosen vegetarian equivalent may be; I don’t know your life) and enjoy the freedom that comes with knowing that it’s all relative anyway. For every person who thinks you’re too thin or too thick or too tall or too short, there is someone who finds your look any combination of cute, sexy, beautiful, covetable, and adorable. So relax a little. And work on committing random acts of beauty for others.

Bonus: He’s also the patron saint of coffee shop owners, so treat yourself to some fancy latteccino today and leave your server a nice tip.

St. Clare of Assisi’s Day

In 1958, Pope Pius XII named Clare the patron saint of television, because it is said that the Holy Spirit “televised” mass to her, way back in the 13th century, when she was too ill to attend in person.

Celebrate today by marveling at all that TV has been able to show us, broadcasting all corners of the world into our living rooms. Commemorate this by watching a marathon of your favorite show and then parade around dressed as your favorite television character.

Bonus: St. Clare is also the patron saint of television writers, so take a moment to think about all the work that goes into the things you enjoy discussing on Twitter / wait to be made available online or on Netflix.

St. Joan of Arc Day

You likely know Joan best for having visions, leading French troops against the English during the Hundred Years War, and then being gruesomely burned at the stake for all her trouble. But Joan also happens to be one of a few patron saints of funeral directors.

So, in her honor, take some time today to think about the ephemeral nature of life, the inevitability of death, and how no vision-inspired deed goes unpunished. Then, take something you love (not someone), and burn it in a public square.

Bonus: Joan is also a patron saint of France, so feel free to partake in sweet macarons while pondering the bitterness of life and death.

St. Amand’s Day

A former bishop known also as Amandus, St. Amand is honored by both the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Church and remembered from turning his back on the trappings of his noble upbringing to become a monk. He is the patron saint of brewers and vintners, making him a potential hit among Hipster-Americans.

Celebrate his life and legacy by drinking your favorite beer or wine, and getting drunk enough to tell your friends how much you love them.

Bonus: St. Amand is also the patron saint of Boy Scouts! Celebrate by giving yourself a badge for every task you complete while inebriated.

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