New Shoelaces

The Discourse

Thinking of getting new shoes this summer to look “fly?” Slow down there partner. Try this: new shoelaces.

Instead of new shoes—new shoelaces. Ever try it?

Try it. Get your old kicks that maybe look a little raggedy. Ready to toss them out in favor of a whole new pair to look “fresh?” Pause that. Instead of spending $60 or $70 (or more) on a new pair of kicks, go buy a new pair of laces. Nice new fresh white laces. Pull the old dirty laces out of your old dirty shoes and put in those nice new laces. Now put ‘em on your feet. Check ‘em out in the mirror.

Not too shabby!

Is putting new laces into old kicks as fresh as buying completely new kicks? Maybe not. But new laces only cost about $3 and new kicks cost at least 20 if not 30 times that. Does putting new white laces in your kicks look more than five percent as fresh as buying new kicks? You bet it does. I would say a worn out pair of kicks from last year with fresh white laces has its overall “good looks” improved by as much as 55 percent. People in America are busy—too busy to stop and stare closely at your kicks. What they see is just a general blur of your kicks as you walk by. And when you put fresh new laces in, that blur is much more new-looking, which could lead quite a few passersby to assume, subconsciously, that your kicks themselves are new (or pretty new—in either case, much newer than they are). In the minds of strangers, you are a person wearing shoes that look pretty fresh. No need to let them stop and examine your shoes in minute detail. Simply keep it moving. There you go: Mr. Fresh.

Little do they know that you’ve saved tens of dollars on shoes!

I’m not saying that new laces can completely revive a pair of kicks that has reached “holes in the soles” phase. But it can certainly extend for many months the life of a well-worn pair of kicks that has reached the “used to be white but now is kinda grey” phase. In other words when the shoe has lost most of its flashiness, but has not yet lost any of its functionality. Do you stop and get a new pair of kicks when your shoes reach this point of oldness? You are being wasteful as well as prideful. Profligate. Instead of doing that, reach for a new pair of laces. Lace em up and watch the admiring looks come in, from a distance of 10 yards or more. You’re sending a message to the world: “I am at least gesturing at looking good out here.”

I would say that at least once every three summers you will be able to get through an entire summer without buying any new summer kicks by using this technique to prolong the lifespan of your old summer kicks. Over the course of a lifetime, you will have done your wallet a favor—not to mention the earth itself (saving resources) and not to mention, looking pretty decent the whole time. You were never gonna be the best-dressed person anyhow, let’s be honest.

Try it—and let me know how it goes. But do not approach me in person or try to contact me directly or I will get the police involved.

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