Alex Jones and Marco Rubio Got Into an Alpha Male Bro-Off


In a scene more appropriate for a college bar after last call than the halls of the Senate on a Wednesday morning, Infowars conspiracy grifter Alex Jones and Republican Senator/conventional grifter Marco Rubio clashed in a bizarre alpha-male chest beating contest replete with sophomoric insults and threats of violence.

Outside the Senate committee chambers, where social media honchos like Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and Facebook COO Sheryl Sandburg testified about their respective companies’ operations, Jones and Rubio were busy measuring their dicks as a gaggle of baffled reporters attempted to figure out what the fuck was going on.

It’s hard to nail down just which part of the extremely 2018 bro-off was the best moment of the whole embarrassing affair—was it Jones’ unctuous reaction to Rubio’s (ridiculous) claim that he doesn’t know what Infowars is? Was it Rubio threatening to “take care of it myself” after Jones awkwardly patted him on the back?—so I urge you watch the whole thing for yourself and marvel at the intellectual powerhouse that is the conservative movement.

After it was all said and done, both men walked away unbloodied—Rubio, presumably to tweet some cryptic bible verse, and Jones to go back to doing what he does best: Taking off his shirt and ranting about goblins.

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