A List of Signs From God That Would Make Oprah Run for President
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Ever since her powerful and galvanizing speech she at the Golden Globes in January, the question that has been on far too many people’s mind is whether or not Oprah would or should or even could run for president. Oprah has shut down the notion very clearly, but in a new interview with People magazine, she said that there is one thing that could make her actually go for it: a sign from God. But it’s not just any sign. It’s got to be a big sign (emphasis mine):
Amid calls for her to consider a run for the White House — from fans as well as her closest friends — “I went into prayer,” she tells PEOPLE in the magazine’s new cover story. “ ‘God, if you think I’m supposed to run, you gotta tell me, and it has to be so clear that not even I can miss it.’ And I haven’t gotten that.”
Now, my mother has watched enough Super Soul Sunday on OWN to probably guess what that kind of message from God would possibly look like, but she is not here, so I have compiled a list of potential very clear signs from a higher power that Oprah Winfrey should run for president.
- Bernie Sanders and Some Democrats Get Ready to Lick Elon’s Boots and Practice the Politics of the Past
- Nancy Mace Is an Irredeemable Garbage Person Who Loves Bullying Vulnerable People and Yet the Media Still Believes Her
- NBC Seems to Suggest a Children's Video Game is to Blame for UnitedHealthcare CEO's Killing
- We’re all trapped in a Groundhog Day situation but in order to break the cycle of repeating the same day, Oprah has to declare her candidacy.
- Oprah’s visage suddenly appears on Mount Rushmore overnight.
- Jesus Christ returns to Earth (as a professional Instagram empath) and nominates Oprah for president, but only after calling on her to do the new Ice Bucket Challenge.
- Oprah forgets every word in the English language except “I am running for president in 2020,” and will only have her language restored if she says it and actually means it.
- Oprah keeps trying to offer her guests water bottles, but somehow they are all filled with wine.
- Oprah visits the White House, eats a pomegranate seed and somehow can’t leave, having been banished to the realm of the presidency. She is allowed to temporarily leave every spring.
- Unmanned planes keep crashing into Oprah’s front lawn spelling out “2020.”
- Hindu goddess Kali, who wears a menacing glare, a garland of skulls, and has several arms each bearing a weapon, has a heart-to-heart with Oprah over an afternoon of yoga, turmeric lattes, and massages, and gently suggests Oprah run for president.
- Oprah becomes gluten intolerant and unable to eat bread until she declares her candidacy.
- The Los Angeles Angels win the big championship game à la Angels in the Outfield.
- Earth is plagued by a scourge of BEES until Oprah decides to run.
- Wakanda has been real this whole time.
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