If you're thinking about proposing this Valentine's Day, don't do what these guys did

By Charles Pulliam-Moore  |  February 12, 2016 | 6:44pm
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Around this time every year, people around the globe take to Google in search for an answer that really doesn’t need to be asked or answered: “how do you propose?”

Proposing, in case you were wondering, is quite easy. Typically, the proposer buys an expensive piece of ornamental mineral and presents it to the proposee, at which point the proposee either says “yes” (congrats!) or “no” (try again? jk, don’t)

Common sense being the rare commodity that it is, however, people are still going to take suggestions from the internet about how to ask for their loved ones’ hands in marriage.

Yahoo Answers, thankfully, doesn’t have too many suggestions, but Quora? Quora begins by opening the Pandora’s box of terrible, terrible videos of people proposing on camera in ways that suggest that they’re more interested in the spectacle of it all than actually hearing an honest answer.

To be clear, you should absolutely never under any circumstance try to trap someone into agreeing to be your spouse with special proposals like:

The “Meme-Posal”

Memes may be slow to die on the internet, but divorces are exceedingly easy to get.

The “Boat-Posal”

Nothing good ever happens on boats. Ever.

The “Proposal of the Sea”

Nothing says “true love” like coercing sentient mammals who regularly die in their captivity to perform for your beau.

The “You Have The Right To Remain Engaged” Proposal

You know what’s terrifying? Being pulled over by the police when you know you’ve done absolutely wrong.

The “Badly-Produced” Proposal

If your marriage is going to be a stage play, make sure it’s a well-produced one.

 
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