Questions I still have about Benghazi for Hillary Clinton

By Fusion Staff  |  October 23, 2015 | 3:43pm
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Yesterday, congressmen and congresswomen questioned Hillary Clinton about Benghazi for 11 hours. It was the eighth such congressional investigation into Benghazi, with some critics saying the sessions had outlived their usefulness. I, however, still have a few questions for Hillary Clinton about Benghazi.

For example:

– What is a Benghazi?

– Does “Benghazi” have anything to do with the advertisements I’ve been seeing on the subway for Jet.com?

– If I type promo code “BENGHAZI” into DraftKings.com, will the site match my first bid up to $200?

– Don’t you think “Benghazi” sort of sounds like a font in Microsoft Word, maybe one of the classier ones that you could use on a résumé?

– Or maybe like an ingredient in a salad at a fancy restaurant, like a Radicchio Salad with Endives, Benghazi, and Capers?

– You’re on Wheel of Fortune and the puzzle is clearly spelling out “Benghazi.” The category is “Cities” and you’ve got all the letters, including the vowels, except the “Z.” It’s Benghazi, definitely. Do you spin the wheel and hope you don’t Lose a Turn so that you can get the extra money from the letter Z, or do you play it safe and solve the puzzle?

– My iPhone often autocorrects “Benghazi” to “Bengals.” Should I bet against them in the playoffs in this year?

– If I named my food delivery startup Benghazi, what kind of seed funding do you think I could get in the Valley?

– Do you think a strain of “Benghazi” would be more of an indica or a sativa?

– Do you ever listen to the song “Versace” by Migos and insert the word “Benghazi” into the chorus?

– I’ve been seeing a lot of people refer to the last Drake video as “Hotline Blinghazi.” What does that even mean?

– If a girl you like texted and asked if you wanted to “Netflix and Benghazi,” what is she asking for?

– I’ve got a friend from high school whose last name is “Grazi,” and he’s going to have his first kid in March. Is it funny to send him a note urging him not to name his son “Ben,” or do new parents dislike that kind of thing?

– I’m thinking of opening up a restaurant franchise. Do you think an IHOP would do well in Benghazi?

– Whenever I log into my home internet I can see that my neighbors have set their WiFi network to “Benghazi Osbourne.” Should I be worried?

– You know how when you say a word over and over and over again it begins to sound funny and lose all meaning? Are you there yet with the word “Benghazi”?

– Hypothetical situation: You’ve been dating a guy for a couple months and everything’s been going great. He’s smart, funny, handsome, likes your music. Then you stumble upon his Twitter page and his bio is just the word “BENGHAZI” in all caps. Dealbreaker?

– Fugazi?

– Last weekend I was playing Scrabble against my brother and I happened to lay down the word “BENGHAZI,” which scored me 89 points. My brother got upset and  protested that since “Benghazi” is a proper noun, it shouldn’t count. I would argue, however, that at this point Benghazi has become a common noun, like Waterloo, to describe an obsessive, politically-motivated witch hunt whose true objective has been lost in partisan posturing and name-calling. Should I have gotten the points?

 
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