This website will title your conservative bestseller for you

By Fusion Staff | November 19, 2015 | 2:54pm

Latest

Everyone knows why you run for president, or at least why you enter a presidential primary: to sell books.

But the hardest part of writing a book —besides hiring the perfect ghostwriter— is coming up with a good title. But now that work has been automated, at least if your political persuasion leans right. Meet the Conservative Book Title Generator.

Most Popular

The generator, as its name suggests, will create loads of titles that you can deny trying to sneak onto the bestseller list by buying in bulk. The site was built by MetaFilter user FreelanceBureaucrat in response to the story of GOP presidential hopeful Ted Cruz ordering thousands of copies of his own book, allegedly to game his way onto the New York Times bestseller list. FreelanceBureaucrat wrote that the incident taught him “(1) all books written by conservatives are bestsellers; and (2) all such books have pretty much indistinguishable titles.”

What the generator lacks in diversity of wording (lots of “America,” “Patriots,” “Destiny,” and “Freedom”) it makes up for with a sort of uncanny oddness to its titles. For instance:

If you want the liberal equivalent (with a little less variation, but the added bonus of covers) there’s always the memoir title generator TIME produced last year, based on Hillary Clinton’s tersely titled memoir Hard Choices. But the range and breakdown of grammar on these make them a little more fun.

They range from the very real sounding:

To the euphemistically disturbing:

To the hysterical:

The generator lacks a little bit of verisimilitude, since, after all, none of the books refer to liberals as fascists. But, increasingly, the American election cycle also lacks verisimilitude, so it all evens out, right? And who doesn’t wanna find 15 copies of this bad boy untouched at their local bookstore:

That’s a book I’d hold while staring at a flag crying proudly.

Ethan Chiel is a reporter for Fusion, writing mostly about the internet and technology. You can (and should) email him at [email protected]