'Crimson Peak': 9 questions that just don't get answered

If you saw the spooky Guillermo del Toro-directed movie Crimson Peak over the weekend, you may have left the theater scratching your head. The flick, starring Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain and Charlie Hunnam, has just a few plot holes. For instance…

{BEWARE, SPOILERS ABOUND. NOTHIN’ BUT SPOILERS BELOW.}

1. How did Edith’s ghostmom know, immediately after she died, to warn Edith about Crimson Peak? Had the Sharpes already axed their mother? Did those events happen on the same day? Did Edith’s ghostmom read it in the ghost news?

2. Why did Edith’s ghostmom give Edith some vague name (Crimson Peak) instead of saying “Beware Allerdale Hall” or “Beware of the Sharpes?” Like, if you are traveling through the beyond to deliver a message, you’d think you would try and make it specific as hell.

3. Why did the Good Doctor put on a little ghost slideshow powerpoint presentation for Edith? What was that about?

4. Why did Sir Thomas Sharpe keep all of his ex-girlfriends’ mixtapes and voicemails? After a breakup you’re supposed to throw that shit out. Delete, delete, delete.

5. Why did Edith get in the wheelchair? She could walk, right?

6. Why didn’t Ferguson—you know, the groundskeeper with the belt full of dead rabbits—fix the damn roof??? He just needed some 2x4s and a little help from the friendly folks working at the post office.

7. Did the dog die? If so, why didn’t we see a little ghost dog running around?

8. Where did their food come from???? Were they living on tea? And the occasional poisoned porridge?

9. At the end, as the book closed, we saw that it was written by Edith Cushing. Does that mean that we were watching a movie based on her book—a work of fiction—and none of it actually took place? After all, she said her book was a story with ghosts in it but not a ghost story—and it had a little romance, too. Were we watching a movie based on her book? Or did she write the book after all of the events in the movie happened? Which came first?

BONUS QUESTION: What was Edith hiding in her giant giant sleeves?

EXTRA CREDIT QUESTION: Was it all just a really long Lana Del Rey video?