I fell down a Bernie Sanders Etsy hole and I think I will stay here because wow

By Fusion Staff | December 14, 2015 | 4:10pm

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To tell you the honest truth, I am disappointed with the merchandise being sold on Bernie Sanders’s online store. The “Bernie Apparel” collection, much in line with the Vermont senator and presidential hopeful’s politics, is very no-frills. The most exciting option is this Shleppin’ for Bernie tote bag which has, like, way too many words on it. As a Bernie supporter, this is a bummer for me, especially since whoever is in charge of promotional gear on Hillary Clinton’s campaign seems to know exactly what her savvy supporters want. Hillary’s online store, which actually goes by “The Shop,” thank you, sells VERY stylish signature pins for your denim jacket, Pinterest-friendly embroidered pillows (which originally sold out!) to cheekily crush the patriarchy, and this YAAAAS Hillary shirt.

Unsatisfied with Bernie’s official gear and seeking some cute ways to let people know I feel the Bern, I decided to peruse Etsy, my one-stop-shop for unofficial merch like these Drake stickers or the Beyoncé Seasons Greetings cards I just sent out. I am here to report that there is so much out-of-control Bernie paraphernalia being sold on Etsy right now and I cannot even begin to deal. Below, you’ll find the most impressive Bernie Sanders-related items being sold on Etsy.com at this moment in time. I urge you to consider using this as a holiday shopping list for the Bernie supporter in your life.

1. A Bérnie shirt (in the style of Céline), $29

This simple screenprinted scoop-necked tee inspired by the popular Céline Paris T-shirt is for the every-man or every-lady who cares about preserving America’s middle class but also cares about luxury brands and looking chic. And if streetwear brands are more your thing, this Bernie shirt in the style of Supreme should do the trick:

Lol. Amazing.

2. Two Bernie Sanders Heads as Earrings, $9

I keep staring at these. They are so funny. Bernie’s floating head pressed into an earlobe is a subtle way to show support, and it is also the antithesis of fashion. I totally want a pair. For those of you who don’t have your ears pierced: Bernie Sanders’ heads work well as cufflinks too. Or if you don’t like studs, these Bernie earrings dangle, for a more Victorian look. Or, if you prefer your Bernie Sanders earrings to look more like his head is trapped inside of a fishbowl:

3. A Print of Bernie Sanders as Che Guevara iPad Art, $35

I love iPad art, but I love politically charged iPad art more. This print titled “Viva La Revolucion” would look great on your wall, and would also look great as the wallpaper on the home screen of your iPad!

4. Bernie Sanders & Elizabeth Warren Party Disco Paper Ornament, $10

There’s already an unofficial Sanders/Warren website showing support for the pair as a possible presidential ticket, and now there’s this unofficial Christmas ornament of the two senators dancing under a disco ball. If you support a Sanders/Warren ticket and if the idea of them dancing together excites you, I feel you would benefit greatly from owning this ornament.

5. Bernie Sanders Prayer Candle, $15

GoSaintYourself, the company behind this St. Bernie candle, will donate $3 to the Bernie Sanders campaign if you buy it. Does this make St. Bernie the first Jewish saint?

6. Print of Bernie Sanders Riding an Alicorn Wielding the Sword of Truth, $5

An inexpensive option if you’re on a budget, this $5 print of Bernie Sanders on an Alicorn (or Pegacorn, as Taylor Swift calls them) is inventive, metaphorical, and embodies the spirit of Bernie Sanders—if you use your colorful imagination.

7. Bernie Sanders Ugly Christmas Sweater, $79-$84

One of the most flabbergasting items on the list, this handmade Bernie Sanders Holiday sweater depicts Bernie Sanders in a competitive and sinister mood, but also in the holiday spirit. Most impressively, those flickering Christmas lights that line the collar offer 3+ flash settings and the batteries are included, so I feel like all in all, this is a once-in-a-lifetime deal.

8. Bernie Sanders Finger Puppet, $20

There are many puppets of Bernie Sanders’s likeness on Etsy, but this finger puppet speaks to me. Just because this little guy does not instantly resemble Bernie Sanders does not mean that he cannot be enjoyed immensely by a Sanders supporter, am I right? I have to stop looking at this him though, because I am cracking up and can hardly breathe. I love him too much!

9. Re-Elect Bernie 2020 T-shirt, $19.99

This is my personal favorite, because it’s just really, really ahead of the game. It’s the perfect shirt for Bernie supporters who are either wishful thinkers or psychics who can peer into the future and know that Bernie Sanders will at least get elected the first time.

May the Bern be with you as you shop for more stuff!

Christina Drill (@stidrill) is a freelance writer grew up in New Jersey and lives in New York. She manages the Digital Media Mentoring Program at Girls Write Now. Read more at christinadrill.com.

Christina Drill grew up in New Jersey and lives in New York. She manages the Digital Media Mentoring Program at Girls Write Now. Read more at christinadrill.com.