This is the best story about a man stealing a dragon mascot I have ever read

Gillespie informs Pitkin that he and his buddy Mark were already at the park for a beer festival when he passed out somewhere in the bowels of the stadium. He woke up at 12:30 a.m, noticed the mascot changing room to his right, and thought: I should grab that mascot costume, like any sane person should. And so he did:

I called Mark, and he said, “Where the fuck are you?” I said, “Dude, I don’t know. I think I’m still in the stadium.”

He said he was at Hooters, so I told him to stay there. I start walking down the hallway to leave and I look to my right and see the mascot dressing room. I thought, there’s no way this door is unlocked. I turned the handle and it opens right up and there’s the damned costume.

So, I suited right up, walked out the door and proceeded to Hooters. I walked right up into Hooters and my buddy didn’t even know it was me. I was ragin’ dude.

I was ragin’ dude

I cannot emphasize how important it is to read the remainder of the interview. After Hooters, he hits up the bar Tilt, and proceeds to have this exchange with the man at the door:

The guy said, “No,” and I was like, “Dude, You’re not gonna let Homer the fuckin’ mascot into your bar right now?” Then he said I could go in.

“Dude, you’re not gonna let Homer the fuckin’ mascot into your bar right now” is going on my tombstone. Seriously, read the whole thing.

Michael Rosen is a reporter for Fusion based out of Oakland.