7 Emmys They Should Hand Out IRL

The 65th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards will take place on Sunday, September 22nd, when we’ll all retweet some very clever jokes about the clothing and ever-changing noses of television actors while watching Breaking Bad. Because, really, who genuinely cares about this year’s most outstanding guest actor in a drama series besides Harry Hamlin’s publicist and the people who live in the shrubbery around celebrity homes, subsisting only on Oxycontin dust and discarded California Pizza Kitchen boxes?

Instead, let’s focus on the awards that should be given out for the heroic, brave, inspiring performances we, the shrub dwellers, give each and every day of our lives.

Best Feigning Interest at a Meeting Involving Power Point