Israel Announces It's Naming Western Wall Train Station After Donald Trump 


President Donald Trump, a large adult who loves boats and trucks, will be honored with his very own train station near the Western Wall in Jerusalem, Israel’s transportation minister announced this week.

Speaking with Israel’s Yididot Ahronot newspaper on Wednesday, Transportation Minister Yisrael Katz explained:

The Kotel [Western Wall] is the holiest place to the Jewish people, and I have decided to name the train station leading to it after U.S. President Donald Trump, in recognition of his brave and historic decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

According to several White House advisers, however, Trump had no idea what the hell he was doing when he made that “brave and historic decision” to unilaterally declare Jerusalem Israel’s capital—a move widely viewed as an effort to preempt any negotiated final status on the city between the Israelis and Palestinians. In the days following news of Trump’s announcement, U.S. diplomats and senior officials scrambled to address the total shitshow prompted by the decision, which has set off a spike in violence across Israel and the Palestinian territories.

The “Donald John Trump, Western Wall” station—part of an approximately $720 million Israeli rail expansion dubbed the “most important national project in the Transportation Ministry” by Katz—will reportedly be located just off the Western Wall plaza, in Jerusalem’s Jewish Quarter. It will feature a planned special “VIP” train car to take dignitaries and other notables directly from Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv to Western Wall.

Choo choo!

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