Emperor Palpatine, Sith Lord, has been elected city council in Ukraine

By Charles Pulliam-Moore  |  October 28, 2015 | 4:56pm
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The Galactic Empire has had its sight set on Ukraine for some time now. Over the past few years, a number of Sith Lords (mostly Darth Vaders) have attempted to infiltrate both local and national politics by getting their names put on the ballot to no avail.

This past Sunday, yet another Darth Vader was turned away from a polling center and his escort, an unruly Chewbacca was arrested for double parking and refusing to pay a fine. All hope seemed lost for the Empire’s Ukrainian conquest yet again until, lo and behold, one Sith managed to make it through.

A man calling himself Darth Sidious (Palpatine Dimitry) managed to actually get his name on the ballot for a city council election in Odessa and win.

The 25-year-old Sith won a respectable 54.4% of the votes in the name of Ukraine’s Trust Affairs Party and will now serve as a councilman representing the neighborhood of Poselok Kotovskogo. Dimitry listed his employment as “Emperor of LLC Palpatine Finance Group” among his political qualifications.

Aleksandry Borovik, a mayoral candidate, described Dimitry as “a cartoon comrade of Darth Vader,” but those familiar with intergalactic history will remember a much different story.

Palpatine, in addition to being Vader’s mentor, played an instrumental role in dismantling the Jedi order and crippling the Republic. His conquest, of course, began in politics.

“I can’t understand,” Aleksandr Borovik bemoaned. “We all have our own choices and their future. But it’s above my understanding. People, what’s wrong with you?”

 
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