Everything's Fine!

By Rafi Schwartz  |  September 10, 2019 | 6:46pm
Trump Administration

On Tuesday, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin stood before an agitated White House press corps for what was apparently supposed to be a briefing about new sanctions.

Noticeably absent from the event was John Bolton, who was scheduled to appear alongside the pair, according to a White House announcement from earlier that morning, despite the fact that President Donald Trump claimed he’d fired Bolton the night before. Bolton has repeatedly claimed Trump never asked him to step down, insisting he’d actually resigned entirely of his own volition.

Boy, sure sounds like a mess, right? Not according to Pompeo and Mnuchin, who spent the bulk of their press briefing insisting that everything is fine.

Asked whether Bolton’s departure came as a surprise, Pompeo quipped that he’s “never surprised.”

“And I don’t mean that on just this issue,” a grinning Pompeo continued.

Ha ha ha. See? This knucklehead has everything totally under control!

Mnuchin had his own chance to act mildly peeved at the mere suggestion that things might be a little wacky over in Trumpland.

When CNN asked whether the president’s national security team is “a mess” (which, duh) a peeved-sounding Mnuchin answered, “Absolutely not, that’s the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard of.”

Offstage, White House spokesman Hogan Gidley reportedly muttered “is CNN a mess?” in response.

Yeah, dorks! I know that you are, but what am I??

Anyway, everything seems like it’s fine. All good, folks. Nothing to worry about here!

 
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