Joe Biden, does this letter mean you're still in the running towards becoming America's next president?

By Fusion Staff | October 16, 2015 | 4:43pm

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One of Joe Biden’s close advisors confirmed, in a letter obtained by The Associated Press, that the vice president is still considering entering the 2016 Democratic presidential primary race. In honor of Tyra Banks’ decision that Cycle 22 will be the last cycle of America’s Next Top Model, I present this news in the style of an ANTM elimination ceremony.

Five candidates and also Joe Biden stand before me…

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…but unfortunately I only have five photos in my hands. Or do I have six? Let’s say I have six photos in my hands, even though I might just have five. These photos represent the candidates who will still be in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

[dramatic pause]

Hillary Clinton.

You started off strong in this competition, but you began to lose steam over the following 437 weeks. Your recent appearance on SNL read more “funny mayor at the mall” than “president,” and your “I’m just chillin'” Vine in the social media challenge was a little wahh wahhhh. But you made it clear at CNN’s Democratic debate that you’re back in the game. Congratulations, you are the winner of this week’s challenge. You are still in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

[another dramatic pause. a hint of a smize flickers in Tyra’s eyes]

Bernie Sanders.

You really pushed through at the debate this week like anghh!!!! Unghh!!!! [Mimes pushing] Structural racism and climate change!!!! Pahhhhh!!!! [Punches air] And your efforts are noted. Congratulations, you are still in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

[Tyra smiles]

Martin O’Malley.

I have to admit that, when you walked into this competition, I didn’t see ‘president.’ But after your makeover, you are giving me Air Fierce One. Congratulations, you are still in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

[Tyra’s face radiates with approval]

Jim Webb.

I have never in my life yelled at a debate moderator like you did on Tuesday night.

But I liked it when you laughed about killing that guy.

Congratulations, you are still in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

[Tyra closes her eyes, looks down, as if deep in thought]

Joe Biden, Lincoln Chafee—please step forward.

Each of you has what the other politician lacks: Lincoln, you have very little support from your party. A recent Morning Consult poll shows that only 1% of registered Democrats would vote for you among the candidates, and your favorability rating among registered voters is at 13%. Meanwhile, Joe is outpolling party frontrunners Hillary and Bernie on favorability. The Democrats are rooting for him. They are all rooting for him. How dare they. Learn something from this.

And Joe, you literally have not announced your candidacy. That is the one advantage that Lincoln Chafee has over you: He has actually said that he is running for president.

[commercial break]

So, who stays and who goes?

The politician with a confirmed campaign but no clear support, or the politician with confirmed support but no clear campaign?

As Joe Biden has yet to confirm whether or not he is actually in the running towards becoming America’s next top Democratic Nomination for President of the United States, Cycle 58, I am unfortunately unable to conclude this elimination ceremony.

For the first time ever in the history of America’s Next Top Democratic Nomination for President of the United States, we’re just going to all sit here and dab it, dab it, dip it, dip it, pad it, pad it, click it, click it until someone makes up his mind.

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.