What the Fuck Is Sarah Huckabee Sanders Even Talking About Anymore?

By Rafi Schwartz  |  December 18, 2018 | 8:14pm
White House

It’s been weeks since White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders last appeared at the podium where she ostensibly does the job she’s been hired for. And whether she’s out of practice, out of shits to give, or simply out of her depth—probably all three—Sanders’ return to the briefing room predictably went sideways as soon as she was asked a calm, rational question.

To understand the following clip, all you need to know is that just moments before, Sanders had announced that as part of his ongoing crusade to build a big wall that keeps brown people out of the United States, President Donald Trump was asking each of his Cabinet secretaries to find money within their own departments to help fund his border security program should he not get what he wants from Congress. (As an aside: The idea that money intended for housing poor people or educating children might now go toward building a wall is pretty fucking insane!!!)

OK, you’re all caught up. Here’s Sarah:

Ummmmmmm, what?

It was pointed out to Sanders that if—if!—there are any financial benefits that come out of the president’s new trade deal between America, Mexico, and Canada, they’re sure not going directly into the U.S. Treasury’s coffers. Still, Sanders insisted that, nah, everything is basically fine because “general revenue” is, um, happening, or something.

Sanders’ argument here is basically as follows:

1) America builds the wall with tax dollars that aren’t tax dollars but, really, are definitely tax dollars.

2) Trade deal makes Americans a lot of money.

3) [Magic happens here. But not taxes. Just magic.]

4) Mexico has suddenly paid for the wall.

Whether exhausted by her own mobius strip logic or just the sheer effort it must take to lie with such a straight face for so long, Sanders stopped taking questions after about 10 minutes. As she left the room, one reporter shouted after her: “This is your job, Sarah!” (Fact check: Zero Pinocchios).

 
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