Tech Fails: Pillow Talk for Lovers, Smells for Spacemen

By Fusion Staff | May 12, 2014 | 12:44pm

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There are many great things that technology gives us. Advances in healthcare, a future where robot cars might take over the roads and 3D printed food that might not suck. But then there are the many, MANY stupid things it has created for us, and this is the place to celebrate all the latest in technology fails that we’ve been (un)fortunate enough to enjoy.

1. The Twine Canvas dating App

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What is it? Billed as the anti Tinder (by the Daily Mail), this app takes all the elements of first time attraction and does away with it. Forget connecting based on a pretty smile or light eyes, here it’s about whether you like their “Canvas,” a Pinterest like profile collage that explores your matches interests. If you like their canvas, you then get access to see their actual face – and then the love-bug can start to flutter.. or not.

Why? Well the people behind Twine Canvas want to help people “looking for brains and beauty.” The idea being you’ve committed to liking them based on their personality already, so ideally the image matches up to their interests. Problem is there already exists services for people who want to talk first before they see your face; that’s called internet chatrooms and they were popular a decade ago, destroyed by video calling and cellphones.

Who has time to invest learning all about an invisible person with no idea if they’ll be attracted to them? People who have time to use this app I guess.. or AOL users?

2. Pillow talk connected pillows for Lovers

What is it? Web connected devices are great, they’re the reason iBeacon’s in Apple stores work so well and how your cellphone’s Bluetooth seamlessly pairs to your car speakers. But do you need web connection in your bed? Pillow Talk are two internet enabled pillows that “speak” to each other when the matched pillow feels pressure. Basically, this means it glows when you put your head down- and your lover’s pillow will blink in response.

But why? Well The Pillow Talk project also includes two wristbands that measure couples heartbeats- letting you connect both visually and with data (on the smartphone app). If you really want, you can even sleep with the sweet sound of their heartbeat in your ears, by plugging in headphones to the pillow.

Connection points: One. Creep factor: x 1000.

3. The Dinnercam

What is it? This is a portable studio to allow those #instafood #foodporn addicts the ulimate lighting for their artistic photographs of their dinner. Yes, really. You can now see their “Best burger ever” with the best lighting ever.. kinda. But your food might be cold by the time you are happy with your shot.

Why? The Dinnercam is to make “food more social” and is part of a campaign from MWeb, a South African web provider. Yes it’s a gimmick but it also is a scary vision of the future where #foodporn becomes #foodnorm.

4. Senti8 Bracelet lets you “smell” on the go

What is it? This technically falls into the category of wearable tech, but it’s less about monitoring your vital signs (think heartbeat, blood pressure/steps taken) and more about your smell surroundings. Seriously. The hi-tech bracelet offers a custom “scent delivery system” which means that when you press on of the LED buttons you get a waft of whatever fragrance you’ve stored there. Yes we know that a portable perfume dispensary attached to your wrist is a strange thing to call hi-tech, so bear with us. The technology element here is that the bracelet connects to the Senti8 app which lets you “share” your scents with friends. Not that they can smell what’s on your bracelet, but that they know what you’re sniffing. Yeah, it gets a little muddled.

Why? The idea behind Senti8 is for astronauts who feel removed from their loved ones in space to reconnect based on their stores scent library. Sure, astronauts do get lonely, but they have video calling, so, um, why?